The nature of life is such that, occasionally, we all experience traumatic events. We don’t mean for them to occur – they just do. When a colleague, friend or close family member suffers from an upsetting event, it’s important to know what to do to help them through the aftermath.
If you’ve not experienced personal trauma, you may feel unsure or confused when confronted with this situation, and you may not know what to do or say to help. The fact that you want to help is a good start.
Here are 7 strategies to support someone who has experienced a personal trauma
1. Use your past knowledge of the person.
Is he usually quiet? Does she normally talk non-stop? Consider how they might respond to the troubling event they’ve recently experienced, that will give you some clues on how you might best support the person.
2. Be supportive.
When you’re with the person, think about what you could to do help them most. Often the only thing you can do is listen and if appropriate, give them a hug. Decide how you will focus your efforts during this time. Will you be the person who takes them out for coffee or lunch? Or perhaps you will help them increase their workload because they’ve asked for a distraction. You can be supportive by helping them do things they enjoy.
3. Acknowledge you’re sorry about what happened to them.
Sometimes, a statement as simple as, “I’m so sorry this happened to you” can be all that’s necessary to give the person an opportunity to talk openly about how they feel. By saying “sorry” it provides important acknowledgement to your friend that you recognize they’ve been through a major event in their life. Doing so is at least one step closer to showing you’re interested in understanding how he feels.
4. Tell them you’ll be there for them at any time.
Make it clear your friend is free to call you or drop by your home whenever they feel like it. And sometimes you have to push in because often people don’t know or want to ask for help, but they absolutely need it.
In a recent personal trauma, I found it hard to ask for help. But those who knew kept asking and eventually, I asked them to help me. You see my desire to do everything myself was exhausting and I eventually ran out of energy and enthusiasm. And I am so pleased I did ask for help. I honestly wish I had asked for it sooner. I couldn’t have gotten through the three weeks following the trauma without them or my family members.
One friend commented, “I’m so pleased you asked for help, and I’m pleased I was available too. I would have felt awful if I couldn’t have helped you today.”
Even though it might take some effort on your part to be on standby for them, later on, you’ll be so glad you did.
5. Call the person more frequently than usual to check in with them.
Share information about your day or what you’ve been doing.
In the beginning, I spent a lot of time updating people and talking about the situation. But after a week or two, I felt I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to find out what other people were doing and hear about their lives. I didn’t want to think about mine and how it had radically changed. Hearing about the lives of others helped me to normalize my life and start to focus on the future.
I welcomed the opportunity to talk about the book they were reading, how their children were doing and where their next holiday was going to be. It helped me to focus on what I needed to get done and to start imagining my new life.
6. Listen.
Many times, someone who’s gone through a troubling time simply wants to talk about it and that was definitely my experience. It’s not even necessary to comment or give your opinion of what they have been through. As long as you’re listening, they know you care.
7. Have patience.
Because we all process trauma in different ways and at our own speed. The person may not recover in the same way that you would or how you would expect them to. Because of this patience will come in handy. Allow the person to move at their own pace as there’s no identified timeline for getting over a traumatic event.
When someone you know experiences a traumatic event, it might take them a long time to fully recover from it. However, you can serve as a great support to encourage them to gradually get back into the swing of their life.
If you feel that being surrounded by caring people is not enough, and that the person would benefit from talking to someone then mention that to them. Most organizations have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) which they can access for free or they can find a registered professional by searching the Psychotherapy & Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA) or Australian Counselling Association websites.
If you are ready to start processing your personal trauma in a way that honours your trauma, book a confidential call with me and we can explore how you can transform without terrifying yourself.Â
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